Friday, June 22, 2012

Bumps in the road

So yesterday sucked!  I had such extreme exhaustion that I was willing to do ANYTHING to help!  After I ate lunch, I started feeling tired- just a little normal tired after a meal feeling.  Then as the afternoon progressed I continued to feel tired, then more tired, then exhausted.  I started to try to jack myself with sugar (I know GREAT IDEA) but hey I'm desperate!  When that caloric nightmare didn't help, I took a nap while my son watched a movie and my daughter had her nap.  I remember waking up occasionally and not having the strength to move or speak or anything- it was HORRIBLE.  When my husband came home I went strait to bed- and now is now, so 16 hours of sleep hopefully helps!  I think this could be a result of a few different things 1. In a vain hope to not be on anti-anxiety pills I stopped taking mine, and I think it either helps with fatigue or my anxiety is spiking in the night and I'm not sleeping well, leading to exhaustion. 2. Too little sleep + too much stress = exhausted 3. I am just exhausted and need to sleep/rest more.

Whatever the reason, I'm feeling better today, and am re-focused to get back on track.  I've been tracking my food and it seriously feels SO restrictive, I hate having everything I eat reflected in writing.  It was my secret comfort to not think about what I was eating, but in writing it down I can no longer ignore what I eat.  I'm not trying to keep my calories under a certain amount or anything, I'm just focusing on tracking.  This is a major challenge for me, but I'm going to keep working on it, day by day.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Road to Success!

"They" say the road to success is paved with many small success.  I'm obliged to agree with that statement.  So far I am on Week Three Day Two of a running program I never thought I would get this far in.  I have stayed gluten-free for 5 or is it 6 months- even though I've had 'flour affairs' on Pinterest (you know, when the people you follow post six billion images of fantastic looking desserts and you stare and them like women porn- yup!).  I struggle mainly with my energy.  I know that if I complete my workouts and eat clean/well that I will have more energy EVENTUALLY- the cycle/problem is when I am too tired to make good food or put on my workout clothes, needless to say actually workout!  I seem to have moderately found a way to break the exhausted cycle and step out into a different light.  I'm not saying that I haven't had to fight (I mean FIGHT) some crazy cravings, and had to get very realistic with myself about why I want to eat/not workout/ be a fat slob... but I am feeling better, more balanced and realistic in my goals and actually taking pride in my small successes!  Today's success- I finished my run on the treadmill even though: my son spilled 2 cups of water on the floor and was talking ENDLESSLY to me while I'm trying to concentrate on running, our dogs are running around like crazy people (perhaps sensing that I'm not paying attention), the housework is piling up, and I'm out of water- seriously- if that is not a success then I don't know what is!

Thursday, June 14, 2012


Why!?! I've just found a great flow, motivation, and plan, then I get sick. Seriously.  I'm feeling I'm over the worst- slept A LOT- my husband deserves a medal for picking up everything while I work on beating this cold/allergy/flu/rottenness.  I still managed to maintain my workout- I know I can hardly believe it either.  It was also the first time I have run with my husband in the vicinity.  He was working out in the basement while I was on the treadmill.  It was different, not what I had expected, but different.  I think as an overweight person I look at people far more judgmentally then most look at me- why? I'm not sure.  Maybe something having to do with hating to see yourself in others? Anyways, I wasn't as self-conscious as I thought I would be, and that alone is progress.  I can't hide on my basement treadmill forever, can I?

Monday, June 11, 2012


You know that feeling you get when you accomplish something you had previously not been able or willing to do?  Yup, that is today. I actually moved to week two of the 5K 101 Running Mate training.  I know, seems simple.  But it's not.  I have completed week one probably three times, but never tried week two.  Not even once.  My reasoning for not attempting week two have ranged from feeling I'm not ready, to simple quitting before I fail.  Not this time.  I won't say it was an easy hurdle to get over, because it wasn't.  I won't lie and say that week two was 'easy' or that I didn't struggle, but I made it!  Bad-ass!

How far I've come

"The number one reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten"

This quote is the basis for today.  I am a worrier, someone who looks to the future-too far into the future, I stop myself because I can't see the finish line.  I'm working really hard to just simply keep going in my exercise and fitness goals.  I have set realistic goals and expectations, and I intend to follow them.  I find myself continually reminding myself of how far I have come, not just physically, but emotionally and in my relationship with food!  A little look back is inspiring.