Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Vision

I have a vision for myself.  I think everyone does- some more realistic then others.  I don't have any crazy expectations for myself.  I simply what to feel healthy, look healthy, and live healthy.  I feel I'm doing that and I need to continue to do that to reach this vision. I want that vision to be staring at me in the mirror someday.

I have my "Introduction to Crossfit" class/workout tomorrow.  Honestly I'm nervous/scared/excited/anxious about it all.  I WANT this to be a place where I can truly commit to being healthy and find something I want to do in order to get there.  I WANT to find like-minded people- because frankly I am finding people who don't care about their/children/anyone's' health very hard to relate too!  I'm nervous I will feel like a failure, or not be able to do the movements (even modified).  I'm scared that I will seem disappointing to the other people there- that what I am is exactly what they don't want to be- hence working out so hard.  I'm scared that I will disappoint myself by giving up or giving in.  I'm scared of being watched while I fail.  I need some confidence, I need some hope for myself.

I'm also excited about starting this experience because I really think that this might be something that I will enjoy and in that I will find my place. I really want to find 'that place'.

I've been Paleo for 2-3 months now.  I'm not sure I can ever go back.  I feel good physically about 95% of the time- which is crazy for me!  My clothes are literally FALLING off, my bras don't fit right anymore and I look like I borrowed someones (much too large) shirts!  I'm totally not used to this feeling.  I'm not sure how to process it at times.  People are starting to notice and comment- which always feels really good.  I am or I guess was used to being the 'fattest person in the room' but now I'm not always.  Sometimes, but not always!  That is crazy to me!


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